I was sitting here thinking about my obsessive nature*…the fact that, when I like something, I want to do/eat/watch ALL of it RIGHT NOW! I watch whole seasons of Entourage and Dexter in one sitting, read 7 books series’ in a couple of weeks instead of savouring them, even knowing that the next book isn’t out until APRIL 2010 (don’t judge!). I’m an instant gratification junkie…which is funny, because there are other places where there’s nothing I like better than making someone else wait for it…lol. But I digress…
Problem is, however aware I am that this is not the way to do things, and I AM aware of that, I find it very difficult not to give in to that feeling. For example, one of my habitual obsessions is people. I find something I like in someone and I then want to own them. Find out every detail, read everything they’ve ever written, hear all their stories…consume them. Depending on the situation, I go right ahead and do just that. Which is fine so long as this does not involve the actual person (like say, blogger crushes where it manifests as nothing more than compulsively reading archives and such). But this need makes me
send random strangers pictures of my ass more um, direct than I usually would be and while I am aware that this can make some people uncomfortable, the feeling that I can somehow translate my want into theirs, if only I try hard enough, can be very persuasive.
Then, later, you come to the other problem this causes for me which is the let down when there is no MORE left to learn. With people, this seems to lead to me looking around for the next new thing…which I’m sure you can guess, does not go over well with people I
married am with. It’s not a case of discarding the old…I have plenty of room in the trophy case that is my heart for everyone as long as you’re willing to put up with my attention wandering and being intensely absent for periods of time. Which most people aren’t. I’ve always wondered if/hoped that polyamory would be the answer**. But I am scared to find out…because what if THAT doesn’t work for me either…?
No answers on this one…just more questions. I guess that’s good though; kinda what I’m doing here!
*This post may seem kinda random…well, it is and it isn’t. I started out thinking about dating (which was what my last post was about) and the new boy I’ve met. And, since I’m a *bit* um, focussed on him right now, that naturally led to pondering the other person I’m really into at the moment. Which then lead to thoughts on my addictions to certain people…
**And I know that would take a lot of work…and open, honest communication. I’m aware that I’m probably not ready for that kind of thing…just saying, I’ve always wanted to work towards that but never had an opportunity…’til now (maybe).